Part one of the long-awaited Vanderpump Rules reunion aired on Wednesday night, and the Scandoval did not disappoint. The episode was brimming with quotable moments — some said in anger, and others for maximum meme potential.
Now, if you’re not fully up to speed on the Scandoval, we covered the basics when the news first broke. Basically, longtime cast member Tom Sandoval cheated on his life partner and fellow cast member, Ariana Madix, with another fellow cast member, Raquel Leviss, who was previously engaged to, you guessed it, cast member James Kennedy. There is SO much more to it, but that’s the gist.
Instead of recapping the entire episode, we decided it would be more fun to collect the best quotes, since the Pump cast is so imminently quotable. Here are six quotes that help sum up the dramatic first part of the three-part reunion.
1. “You’re a worm with a mustache.” — James Kennedy to Tom Sandoval
I will be thinking about this for a long time. Kennedy drops an all-time insult on Sandoval. Does it make any real sense? No. But does it deliver the point? You bet your ass. Here’s the clip.
2. “I’m way more ripped than you.” — Kennedy, again, to Sandoval
So this quote got a bit lost because it directly preceded “worm with a mustache,” but it’s deeply hilarious. Kennedy is talking about how he would beat up Sandoval in a fight after the so-called mustachioed worm told him, “Get in my face again, I will fuck you up, motherfucker.” Kennedy did not take that well.
“I will fuck you up so quickly, look at me bro,” Kennedy said while being held back. “I’m way more ripped than you.”
3. “My cards!” — Andy Cohen, with deep sadness.
In the instantly iconic kerfuffle between Kennedy and Sandoval, Bravo ringmaster Andy Cohen had his cards, which, presumably, held his questions and talking points, knocked loose from his hands and onto the floor. Cohen, ever so sadly, said, “My cards,” in what sounded like a plea for civility as the two bros shouted and peacocked on stage.
4. “Oh no, did you guys not put your timelines together to match?” — Lala Kent, with the sarcasm of 1,000 suns
At one point Tom Schwartz, best friend of Sandoval, let it slip that he heard about the affair in August, which didn’t seem to line up with the tale told by Sandoval. Kent fired this back immediately. Well done.
5. “Be a man, mate. Pull yourself together. Fucking crocodile tears. Pussy.” — Kennedy, continuing to go scorched Earth on Sandoval.
Listen, the insult could have done without the final word. But Kennedy did immediately jump on Sandoval when he started trying to cry. And that’s the key, Sandoval just wasn’t a good enough actor to pull off tears on the spot. It was so obviously faked and the cast put him in his place right away.
6. [Blank concerned stare into a monitor.] — Raquel Leviss
Leviss wasn’t able to really participate in the first part of the reunion because she had filed a restraining order against cast member Scheana Shay for an alleged assault. Producers, brilliantly, parked Leviss in a trailer 100 feet from the stage where she could watch Sandoval get eaten alive. Over and over they’d cut to Leviss looking-on, and it was high camp and comedy.
There are TWO more episode of reunion coming our way and, as long as James Kennedy is involved, we are virtually guaranteed more wonderful quotes down the line.